Small, but Significant, Victory

When things go right, which is to say, when I really do accept what I cannot change, or confront with courage those things that I can and should change, I give a big shout of thanks.

This morning about 4:00 am, for example,  I woke up with a pain down low in my gut.  Doctors have assured me over the years that it is just a muscle spasm, but it hurts enough to wake me up as it did this morning.  Immediately I began to think:

• OH MY GOD I AM DYING OF CANCER AND

• THESE ARE MY  FINAL HOURS ON EARTH AND

• I WON’T EVEN BE ABLE TO GET OUT OF BED AT SEVEN  TO GET A COFFEE

• BEFORE GOING TO THE GRAVE  AND

• OH HOW UNJUST

• HOW TRAGIC

• HOW AWFUL LIFE IS… etc etc etc ad nauseam.

Not a pleasant frame of mind that I put myself in.  But at a certain point I recalled a few things to mind.  My goal is to be able to die giving thanks for all the time I have had, all the good things I have done and seen and lived, and do I think somehow that I am the only one who isn’t going to die, am I really that special?  Or should I take death as a natural part of life, the final  stage, the part of life that makes us recognize how precious all the rest of it is?  Why is it perceived as tragic when in fact it is natural?  Should it come to pass that at the young age of 40ish I should be faced with the end, can’t I accept it with at least a little serenity and courage?

Clearly I am an expert at making mountains out of molehills, while all around me people have really serious problems and deal with them much more couragesly than I ever could do.  (See this post by Passion For Jaywalking: http://apassionforjaywalking.wordpress.com/2009/04/30/staying-in-the-moment-as-a-sober-mom/ for an example of the courage of the program in action, and for better writing as well.)  Yes, this is the right attitude, one of thanksgiving and courage, and for at least a moment I found the right mental tone.  Despite the pain I was able to fall back asleep.  And even lived to have my morning coffee.

So for this little talking cure, I give thanks.  And for the other daily stuff which will follow in the next post!

Peace, courage, and serenity to all!