Good Energy

I find it a constant revelation that I need to put sobriety, in all of its meanings, first.  No enjoyment  is possible when I am ungrateful, inclined to resentments, steeped in fear, blaming others, and ready to drink myself into numbness.   So for knowing this, and for the ability to turn my time, attention, and energy into staying sober, I give thanks.  And for these things too…

1.  That I have a bunch of new ideas for projects at work and that I am getting them down on paper rather than letting them slip away.

2. That it is Sunday and I had a chance to sleep in.

3. For a friend who is staying with me for a couple of days.

4. For the discipline to apply myself to improving my sobriety.

5. That I am connected with other drunks who are staying sober.

For all of this, and for the other great things that will make up my day, I offer a prayer of thanksgiving. 

Have a great 24 hours to all.

Man Alive

Amends Nightmare

I woke up this morning with a nightmare that I had done some major vandalism to a friend’s apartment building and lied about it.  No one ever suspected me of doing it in the dream and so I got away with it, but even in the dream had the fear that someone would eventually catch me.  I have never been a convincing liar.

When I woke and realized it was a dream I was very relieved.  However, it did bring to mind a minor act of vandalism I committed when I was about 15 and for which I never made amends.  Angry, after a couple of beers, I wandered out towards the local elementary school and tossed a rock into one of the windows.  This was nearly 25 years ago, and still the fear of having done such a thing remains with me now and then.  Since getting out of bed I have resolved to make amends for this as soon as possible.  I imagine going to the school the next time I am in the area and asking to see the VP or some other representative, explaining briefly why I am there, what I did, and why I am leaving an envelope full of cash – I think $500 will be enough to cover it. 

Anyhow, the dream showed me that there is still unfinished business from my idiot past, but that I have honestly taken up the task of staying sober.  Deciding to make the amends at the next possible opportunity has given me a sense of relief.   And I look forward to doing what is right the next time I get home.

Peace to all for the next 24!

Man Alive

Freedom and one day at a time

One of the character defects that is often talked about by drunks in recovery is the need to please other people.  As someone said, “The result of trying to be liked by everybody is that everybody likes you but you.”  Being afflicted with this problem myself I try every day to fight against it, be myself, say and do what I think is right and forget about the rest.  Not being rude, either, mind you, but just trying to live and let live. 

So, today I feel a little freer in this regard adn hope to continue the rest of the day being who I am and forgetting about getting approval.  For this, and it is an enormous step forward, I give a hearty prayer of thanksgiving, and for all this other stuff below;

1. That had a good night’s sleep.

2. That I have a few very fine friends.

3. That I remained sober yesterday, and …

4.  … That I am full of hope that I can do it again today!

5. That little by little I am becoming more free and more responsible for my life.

For all these things (and WOW what an amazing spring morning it is!) I give thanks.

Happy 24 hours to all in recovery.

Man Alive