God and Sunday Hangovers, Pt. 1

I am uncomfortable writing about God on the Blog.

Of course God isn’t the issue.  But I am really so ashamed and embarrassed by the idea that I am out of control, that I can’t handle my life, that I am a mess who needs loads of help.  And ALL the evidence suggests that when I refuse help I wind up in lots of trouble.  God is supposed to stop the madness and  God did stop the madness.  I turned it all over and although I still don’t like the concept of needing help, I sure love the reality of NOT HAVING HANGOVERS.  I drank a lot during the week but SATURDAY for me was THE DAY to drink; plenty of cash, no work or  responsibilities, and a bit city full of bars and exceptional public transportation.  And after a few beers at home with a late breakfast I would get the Saturday-binge going. 

For a little over three years now I have woken up on Sunday mornings to a great glorious enjoyable day, rather than a searing headache, upside down stomach, blurry vision, crippling exhaustion, occasional bruises and cuts, missing wallet, broken glasses, parched and sore, and only very foggy images of what the happened in the preceding hours. 

And the HP has relieved me of this; and I am embarrassed by it?  I think maybe the real embarrassment is that I, a child of God, would blow out by brain cells on a drunken binge, driven by fear, resentment, self-loathing.  But the HP doesn’t criticize, resent, abandon because of this.  So I remain sober and little by little more vocal about the God of my recovery.  And more accepting of this great love of this great God for me, a silly drunk in recovery.

Have a great, sober 24 hours to all!

Red Letter Revelation #145

This is a great day in terms of gratitude.  I usually try to focus on the little things that make up daily life, but the first item below is huge.  So, I offer thanksgiving today:

1. That I now understand that SOBRIETY has to be TOP PRIORITY in my life.  What a great revelation and what a great relief that I can accept this concept.

2. That my friends and family love me, challenge me, and make me a better man.3. That I have a job and still get a lot of joy out of it.

4. That I know the value of life, of being alive, and of a good simple meal.

5. That a sense of detachment is growing in me, and a sense of serenity with it.

So for all these good things, large and small, I live today gratefully. 

Peace and blessings for a great week to all!

Living the Dream

I may be out of my mind, but there are days when I am so high on simply being  alive.  As I have written here in the past, I know that it didn’t have to be this way given how my drunken antics, coupled with an intense self-loathing and self-destructive streak,  might have cut me out of the picture much sooner.

1. So, for LIFE!  I give thanks today, and for all the other little things of the morning, afternoon, and evening:

2. Hot dogs and potato chips.

3. My friends and their goodness and talents, especially my friend Jane and her birthday party last week.

4. The  orange that I am about to eat.

And finally:

5. That I have everything I need to be well today!

A happy great mid-week to all!