Mad bastard

I found another great web page on Albert Ellis which includes lots of good interviews of the mad bastard.  You can find this very entertaining reading at http://www.rebt.ws/recentarticles.html. 

So for this guy’s insight, that crazy and disturbed is the human norm, and that we can still get over a lot of this self-inflicted nonsense, I aM reAlLy gRateFUl!  

• I am alive !
• I gotta great job, an ideal job, a job I love, and as long as it lasts I am going to enjoy it to the hilt…!
• Pasta for lunch !

OK, enough.  This is today’s s short list and I am sticking to it and enjoying life today. 

Happy 24 sober house to all of you!

Man Alive

Changing expectations

Being sober does not mean that everything in life automatically becomes perfect and easy. 

Who said it would?  Why did I imagine that it would?  And how can I go along actually believing this?  But instead of accepting this I just get angry that things are not the way I want them to be.  I am not drinking, I reason, so everything should be a hell of a lot easier.  This has not proved to be the case and is in fact one of the chief sources of my misery: a wildly inaccurate expectation, which because of its ludicrousness frequently leads to disappointment, then anger, then depression.  Not exactly sober, I would say.

Now that I am not drinking, I am more than ever aware of the world around me and my responsibilities in it.  I have the same challenges as other drunks in particular and other people in general: to seek the wisdom that tells me what is in my power and what is outside my power.  Everyday I try to become more Serene, more Courageous, and more Wise.  Nevertheless, now that I am more aware of who I am, what I need, and how that fits into the larger world around me, decisions have become even harder.  I am more aware of the risks I am taking, what I am giving up, and can experience the pain of loss more acutely.  In certain moments, booze seems much more attractive than sobriety.  But for me that options is now closed as it has been for quite some time, and I hope and pray that at least today I won’t bother even considering it. 

So for the challenges of this day, for the struggle to maintain emotional sobriety, for the little victories (did I mention that I DID NOT DRINK YESTERDAY?), for the friends who help me on the way, for the sunshine outside, for another damn day of sobriety in all of its messiness and sadness, its joys and agonies, I have to be grateful.  Really, another day sober?  A few years ago this would have been unimaginable!  But there it is.

Man Alive (even if a bit disappointed and annoyed)

Smart and loved or just a pain in the rear?

How much more can I cram into my head?

I can never know enough and this desire for more knowledge, this GREED, is making me miserable.

Maybe it is a way I protect myself, or prove myself, or show my worth to the people around me: if I know things I am therefore useful and needed and I won’t be tossed out into the trash.  I will be LOVED!

There is a dead psychologist named ALbert Ellis who had this to say about people who want to be loved:   “the world consists mainly of love slobs who need other people’s approval. Most people don’t live their own lives very well.“  The whole interview can be found here, so check it out and at least get a laugh in today – the guy is really funny if you don’t mind swearing too much.   And in my own case he is right on – I have never lived my life very well, and it could be argued that I am not living it too well now.  So can I just live without always seeking praise, and appreciation, love slobbery, and winning approval all the while getting angry trying to learn more to please other people?

Maybe not all the time but I am getting better at it, and for this I am really grateful, as I am for this other stuff:

1. My wife is getting over a really bad cold, so she has more energy and is now moving around like a whirlwind taking care of things that she was too weak to do in the past few days

2. I had a chance to wash and dry most of the laundry this morning, and it feels really good when I run my hands along the clean sheets and towels

3. On one occasion today I felt that old OhManIReallyNeedToGetNumb feeling, and though I have not figured out quite what is irritating me, I know that I am committed to avoiding booze today.

Anyhow, for all of the above and a whole lot else, I give thanks to God, and resolve to be less of a love slob, and stop giving too much of a shit what other people think (thanks, Al).

Man Alive